oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
