I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
