so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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