thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
