About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
