um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
