Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
