I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
