That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
