Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
