Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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