I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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