so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
