all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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