You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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