yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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