Dude my mom stole all your condoms
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
