guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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