First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
