Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
