He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
