I want to make a zoo with you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
