i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
