Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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