Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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