Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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