So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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