I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
