he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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