yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
