So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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