My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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