so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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