ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
