Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
