That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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