Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
