What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
