i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
