Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
