He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
