My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
