im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
