My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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