getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
