we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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