party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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