I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
