Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
