Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
