he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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