So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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