If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
