Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
