you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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